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fangoriously awesome
Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
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2007.09.16 22.38
1. Go to http://www.careercruising.com/.
2. Put in Username: nycareers, Password: landmark.
3. Take their "Career Matchmaker" questions.
4. Post the top fifteen results.
1. Child and Youth Worker
2. Special Education Teacher
3. High School Teacher
4. Elementary School Teacher
5. Teacher Assistant
6. Early Childhood Educator
7. Nanny
8. Music Teacher / Instructor
9. Physical Education Teacher
10. Clergy
11. Psychologist
12. Sport Psychology Consultant
13. ESL Teacher
14. Foreign Language Instructor
15. Historian
they actually did pretty good. though i probably skewed it somehow, being a teacher and whatnot.
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2007.07.30 00.33
so you know...
i want a journal where i can post what i'm doing in my teaching and life in MA (and one that i can give out to my parents and other people like that), so in case you would like to know, i will be posting all that to http://annesley14.vox.com mark your bookmarks now, if you care.
also, my new address will be:
Emma Ward
237 Water St. Apt 2R
Clinton, MA 01510
i will most likely be getting a cell phone/landline out there that i will post here also (and on vox). i'm going to keep this blog, obviously, for things that i can't post on vox. things of sensitive nature. not that my life is very selatious (sp?). but just in case.
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2007.07.04 21.59
news!!
oops, its been entirely too long since i've posted, i notice.
well, i'm full of news. first and foremost, i'm MOVING!! come july 31, i'm moving to clinton, massachusetts, a small town nestled among hills about an hour west of Boston. i will be teaching preschool deaf ed. i'm starting the program, which is scary and exciting at the same time. while i was out there last week, i found an apartment in town. it's in an old house with 6 other units. i'm going to add these photos to facebook, but i'll put them on here now. just because.
( my apartment! )
so there you have it, my new place. $700 a month. think it's worth it? i do. better than all the other places, except this super cute guest house... but that was $800 a month. mom wouldn't let me. oh well.
check out my town's website! http://www.clintonmass.com its going to be small and fun. i'm excited.
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2007.06.03 17.47
"Summer afternoon- summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language." -Henry James
that phrase doesn't necessarily apply to today with all the rain, but i had to put it down because i like it.
also, thanks to the writer's almanac, i now have a new favorite poem, "Advice to Myself" by Louise Erdrich. if you've checked my AIM or facebook profiles, you'd know that there is a specific phrase i just love. if you haven't checked, this will now give you the chance.
so my news, that i lightly implied i had last post. here it is: i have been offered a teaching job in clinton, massachusetts!!!! it's a preschool/kindergarten position that is a hybrid of hearing impaired and hearing children who need language intervention. i have not accepted the position, i have more investigating to do. i will be calling the clinton, mass superintendent to get salary/benefits info to help me make my decision. i'm not sure whether or not i'll take it. one minute i really like the job, one minute i want something else. we'll just have to see.
i have lots of decisions to make. its... tricky. everything is crazy right now.
i spent a week at ymca camp manitou-lin in west michigan training to be a ymca day camp counselor. it seems like it'll be a lot of fun. on the weekends i'm working at target. this is also crazy. camp starts next week, so i have this week to wrap up some job searching stuff, get my haircut, get some cavities filled (dammit), and try to relax a little.
i have no idea what lies ahead of me, but i'm starting to gain confidence in rising to the challenge of meeting the future.
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2007.05.28 02.16
Ohhh, we can begin again
Shed our skin, let the sun shine in
At the edge of the ocean
We can start over again
-"The Edge of the Ocean" by Ivy.
i'm in love with this song. perfect for melancholy moments. my sister informed me that it was originally done by the cure, which means ivy covers it, but i think they (or she... whoever) did an amazing job. it makes me want to be held for a while. its happy and sad all at the same time.
kinda like the way i feel.
heading up to the cottage soon with my family. and for those of you not in the know, i'm pretty much familied out. rachael's in town from china, the first time in about 2 years. we get along well, but sometimes she's drives me crazy. but family is family.
i have good news... great news perhaps. i'll update more on this when i know more details. or if i ever figure out what the hell i want... or how to get what i want.
life is a cookie.
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2007.05.19 23.34
MASSIVELY huge amount of books
there is almost nothing in the world i like better than losing myself in a good book. this week, i worked four days to earn over $200 worth of books at the scholastic warehouse sale (where all the books are 50% off to begin with). how did i do that? well, apparently you can just show up to volunteer and re-shelve books or re-stock shelves and earn $10 an hour to spend on books. and you can put books aside while you're working to save and buy.
now, with this in mind, today i had the horrible sophie's choice of deciding which books to keep and which books i had to put back because i opnly had $125 in book money, and over $200 of books. it was terrible. so many potentially great books had to be put back.
some highlights of the books i bought (yes, i am a dork, get over it.):
* Chasing Vermeer
* The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane
* a beautiful hardcover edition of Charlotte's Web
* hardcover HP and the Chamber of Secrets (how did i not own it before now?)
* softcover HP and the Half Blood Prince (for re-reading this summer)
* Winter Lights poetry book (faaaabulous)
* Flotsam
* Water for Elephants
* Zen Shorts
* teacher books for things like classroom organization, a poem a day, teaching with clifford books, science centers, art activities, etc
i'm going to have a wonderful summer, and i've already gotten a great start on my classroom library.
now i need bookplates. suggestions?
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2007.05.13 23.38
mother's day... emma style
every mother's day i am reminded of how complicated my relationship with my mother is. most people i know have a pretty good relationship with their mother. sometimes a very close relationship, especially the girls. when shopping for a mother's day card, i saw one that said something like, "mom, i'm so glad we're close." and i knew instantly i could never, ever give that to my mother.
( read this if you want to know something about me i've hardly told anyone, but be warned: it's slightly melodramatic )
for those of you who know me pretty well, you may see now why i feel such a kinship with lorelei gilmore. like me, she had a mother with whom she just can't forge a positive relationship with.
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2007.05.03 23.37
where i am... figuratively
i did it! i graduated! i walked across the erickson kiva stage last friday for a final time. it was nice. i only almost cried once because i looked up at edna, the coordinator for the program, when we were presenting a gift to her, and she was totally crying full-on. so i stopped looking at her because i'd done my makeup and i look ugly when i cry, so i didn't want to cry. and when i see others cry, i start to cry. a fun emma fact for you all.
now, barring any complications with my certification process, meaning failing the deaf ed teachers test i took last month, and any other clerical errors, i will be completely ready to teach. with the exception of a job. yay. but i have to leave that subject for the time being because it gets my insides all worked up and i start rooting around for a paper bag to breathe into.
oh- i want to say thank you. to everyone who helped me and supported me throughout my journey to becoming a teacher. there have been so many days when i've just wanted to give up and cry myself to never ending sleep, but someone along the way told me i could do it. that they believed i could. believe me, there were many, many days, especially this year, when i wasn't so sure of that myself. first semester especially i felt like i was drowning and would never reach the surface again. second semester i found a board, pulled myself up and surfed to shore (wobbly but steady). its because of friends like all of you that i found that board and got a boost to pulling myself up. thank you.
i'm living my dreams. my 4th grade self's dream. i know i have said this many times before, but its true. i've been wanting to do this for that long. and now that i've finished it... where did my 4th grade self see my life going? now i've hit unchartered waters. in many aspects. to live out my 23 year old dreams, i need to find a great job (preferably in a state which would deny me access to coming home for thanksgiving... thats probably another 4th grade dream).
i know many people are going (and have gone) through all that i am right now. how do you figure it all out? does anyone ever really figure it out or does everyone muddle through life, just trying to get by? i want answers, i want lots of freaking answers (a trip through my lj archive will show you that, just even over this year). is life always this complicated? and if i uncomplicate one thing in my life, will it make it any easier? i'm going to guess no.
it's at a time like this when i need to listen to some josh. groban. because sometimes you need to be reminded not to give up because you are loved. there are days when i lose sight of that. i think i need a taped voice that i can play at times when i'm feeling really low that says, "you are beautiful, you are strong, you are truly amazing. stop worrying and smile."
p.s. i'm attempting to get a job at the ymca caledonia child care center. i will find out in a few days if i got it or not. cross your fingers.
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2007.04.22 13.34
i wish i had a crystal ball that worked, so i could see the future. i hate not knowing what is going to happen, where i'm going to live, what kind of job i'm going to have. i don't need to have everything spelled out, but knowing that i have a job is just a basic detail that i must have. i can fly by the seat of my pants for only so long.
the stress of not knowing anything is really getting me down. also, the prospect of a summer at target is getting me down. i can't take more work at target. shotty hours, late nights, doing the same thing day after day after day after day... makes me want to die.
i worry about not finding a job. what if i can't get hired for a job, even out of state? i know arizona and north carolina are begging for teachers, but what if even they don't want me? or do i really want to move to the desert anyway? i kinda don't... but it would be an experience.
for the most part, i'm a reasonable person. i can rationally think a situation through and be proud of my sanity, but there are times when i doubt my sanity. sometimes i wonder if some alien emma takes over my brain and controls my body and my thinking without the real emma's knowledge. either that or i go insane for a while. both are viable options.
i'm almost done with classes. i have two papers and a final to finish up by friday. that could also be adding to my stress. i feel better knowing that many people in my class don't have jobs either. i just want to know whats going to happen. that's all.
i hate wasting a beautiful day doing work and stressing out.
Mood:  stressed
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2007.04.08 08.39
perhaps a longer post will come later, if i feel like it.
came back from new mexico friday night very late. i went from the 60 degree sunny weather to 20 degree snow. it was terrible. i really didn't want to leave, though not just for weather-related reasons.
i had a lot of fun. the week flew by far too fast. apparently josh's mission for the week was to force me to confront my fear of heights. he (and jess) dragged me down the side of a mesa- that wasn't so scary actually- then he (and his family) dragged me down the side of the Grand Canyon. the grand canyon was pretty damn scary. full death, no tumbling, just imminent death. i had a slight panic attack (one that i'm not so proud of, actually. being vulnerable and scared is not a quality i like to show to anyone.) i also went on the longest tram up a mountain within an hour of landing in albuquerque- up the side of the sandia mountains. it was quite scary going up, much more fun coming down.
and of course, other things were done, too. i learned a lot about the origins of los alamos (very interesting and i recommend reading a little about it), visited a native american pueblo in taos, saw the rio grande and the colorado river, ate several new mexican dinners, went to an aquarium and botanical garden (had to get something dorky in, you know?), and... drum roll... read two books! and finished them both!
i have not finished a book in who knows how long. i FINALLY finished sense and sensibility on the way back from the grand canyon (6 hour drive, one way). so i had to buy a book for the way back and ended up getting the secret life of bees. and really enjoyed it. i want to read more, but school starts back up soon. and damn, i need to get a LOT done.
heading down to my grandma's in south haven for easter. whoopie. at least there will be ham. i can eat ham. and i should remember to bring my laptop and get work done. damn, i need to get work done.
hope everyone's spring break (if you had one, that is) went fabulously. if you didn't have one, take some time off if you can. everyone needs a break now and then.
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2007.03.30 13.49
taking off for new mexico tomorrow morning at 7:40 from the lansing airport. should arrive in albuquerque at 1:15. however, jess is on her way right now, and is now stuck in dallas. may not be able to fly until sunday. how terrible!
i'm looking forward to a week of sun and warm and new mexico-beautifulness. i'm excited to sit back a little... and do other things that will hopefully be schoolish things. we'll see.
so my dad was in surgery yesterday. they took out half of his thyroid... which turned out to be the size of a tennis ball! they said there was an 80% chance that everything would be fine, no cancer, but it turns out my dad was in the 20%. he has another surgery this afternoon. luckily, they've said that thyroid cancer is a very treatable disease. my great-aunt margaret had it when she was in her 40s and she lived to be 92 or something. so i'm hopeful that everything will be fine.
this is a good time for a vacation. celebration begins tonight after i send off my very first teacher job application.
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2007.03.17 18.50
slainte!
happy st. patrick's day. i wish i were in ireland celebrating. i watched a pbs special on ireland and they revisted many places i went. i really miss it. anyone want to go back with me? there is so much to see there that i haven't seen. and i'd love to show off the places i've actually been.
getting work done yesterday and today. check out my website, i did a lot on it. i should do some more work on my cover letter and portfolio... time is approaching quickly. oh man.
i don't know what to do.
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2007.03.04 21.23
disclaimer: seriously, i'm fine
sometimes i wish i had the time to afford a small meltdown. just to cry enough tears to get it out and keep moving on. i feel like i'm storing emotion up and that sometime it's going to come exploding out of my body when i can't control it. if i had the time i'd watch a movie guaranteed to make me cry (big fish, the notebook- terrible thought but it did make me cry buckets- lilo and stitch...) unfortunately, i don't have the time.
i'm stressing. i'm seriously stressing. i'm lead teaching 8 3- and 4-year-olds and taking masters classes at michigan state (yay papers) and i feel like a failure on the job hunt. the girl i drive with on fridays to class at msu, an amazing teacher herself already, got job offers in north carolina. as did another girl in our class who went with her. i haven't gotten resumes printed. cover letters have barely been started. and when i think about it, i freak out a little.
there's so much that has to get done in this one semester. in the next two months. and i feel so far behind.
maybe what i need most is to take lots of deep breaths and a new mantra, "i can be successful, i need to calm down."
thats all. i just needed to freak out online. because i'm having trouble freaking out in real life. mostly because i don't feel like i'll get any sympathy. my parents are the easiest people to complain to. "suck it up" is the ward family motto, i believe. i know i have to suck it up, i want someone to tell me i can do it.
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2007.02.17 22.07
life
i went through my itunes playlist the last couple days and deleted over 2000 songs. it was a lot of songs that i've either never listened to, haven't listened to for many years, and songs that i don't like anymore. many of the songs were ones i downloaded waaaay long ago at the very beginning of my college career. in a way, it was like deleting the emma of 2002-2003. i was a little sorry to see her go, but i like to think she's morphed into something more... mature?
i'm not sure mature is the word i'm looking for, but there is definitely something different about me. less angry at the world, more "grown-up" in some ways. and not, in others. and it's reflected in my musical taste. now the songs i listen to are melodic, low-key, and just a little quirky. i haven't gone all muzak, but my taste has definitely mellowed. i just don't feel the same urge to listen to all the hard rock i used to.
however, my purging of my former self allowed for 7 GB of space on my hard drive. i have room on my computer now! not much, but it's still good! i couldn't believe how many songs i had on there that i just don't care to have anymore.
for those of you who are freaking out about my losing part of my old life, don't worry. i didn't lose all of emma of 2002-2003. there are some things that i need to hang on to; for remembering.
on the other hand, i'm still freaking out about the job hunt. my resume isn't quite finished yet, i need to start a cover letter, and finish a speech paper... and get ready for teaching my very first unit, dental hygiene. yep. dental hygiene.
send me self-confidence vibes that i'm a good teacher and i will find a great job. sometimes i feel doubtful of it myself.
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2007.01.25 18.44
musings
yay life.
you'd think as time went on that it might become easier. that all those things that you didn't know about or understand would suddenly become clear. however, as days pass, i realize it only becomes more complicated and for as many questions as you get "answered," 10 more questions pop up. And those questions seem even more daunting that the previous ones.
no, i'm not depressed. no, nothing terrible has happened. it's just, i'm thinking about my future. and currently my future seems huge and scary and disappointing and oddly exhilarating.
i don't like not knowing what is going to happen. i don't know where i'm going to live in 8 months, what job i'll have, what age group i'll be teaching... basically where i'm headed in life. i'm not naive enough to think that wherever i end up is where i'll stay forever. i know that i have the power to move about as i please. but i don't like moving. i don't like packing up my stuff and labeling boxes and organizing all the crap i own. you never realize how much you actually possess until you have tried to fit it all into one car in boxes.
looking back on the past is easier and seems more simple and straightforward. but was it really? i mean, i went from high school to college, like i'd planned in 4th grade. and even majored in what i'd planned. and studied abroad in my junior year... as i'd planned. and now my 4th grade dreams and plans have come true... and now i feel silly because i feel like i don't know what to do.
my 4th grade self planned 2 futures after college: one with a family and one without. even then i wasn't willing to let myself think that for sure somebody would want me. funny. or maybe i just didn't want to be disappointed if that turned out to be the case. the latter option involves many cats. and probably lots of world travel.
i don't think there ever really was a point to this post. this is what listening to "Love will tear us apart" by susanna and the magical orchestra will do to a girl who is contemplating what to do with her life.
to get out of this mood, i shall turn on "cobrastyle." boogie down.
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2007.01.12 22.44
yay work
the semester has officially begun for me, and of course the work is piling up. this semester i think the work might actually pertain to what i want to do for a job. this could be interesting.
i'm warming up to the idea of preschoolers. they are awful darn cute and most of them are very fun.
i'm relaxing tonight. the work starts tomorrow. oy.
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2007.01.04 16.48
happy 2007
all right, a little belated, but whatever.
apparently i haven't updated this for a while, or so i was informed by probably my only reader.
i spent a total of probably a day and a half during my christmas vacation, due to the fact that i traversed many fabulous roads of michigan and also hung out with lots of cool people. the holiday taco party was well-attended and a lot of fun (this just in: i'm not as terrible at twister as i thought, but not as good as perhaps i would like.) it involved alcohol and just a few rounds of the bunny hop (seriously.) i believe stevo has pictures in her facebook if you care to check them out. please don't look at any with me in them. you'll thank me later.
my sister ordered a black macbook, printer, and accessories for her college (yes, she hasn't decided which one yet, but that's just a minute detail. plus, something was happening with the trust fund from my grandparents in 2007 that would affect the $2000 she would get). i wanted her money because she has absolutely no idea about technology and could never fully appreciate it like i would, but she wouldn't go for taking my old powerbook and me getting a new macbook. go figure.
i've started in my new placement, preschool deaf ed. yesterday was my first day. the kids are adorable and fun, though i'm not excited about being super happy all day long. oy. could be painful. but i think i'm going to like it.
i don't have any new year's resolutions this year other than doing really well in my placement, getting great recommendations, and perhaps gaining some weight. that would be nice.
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2006.11.29 14.49
hahaha. um, i think it might be true. you would have to tell me, though. i don't like to think of myself as cute and innocent, though.
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2006.11.24 12.44
post-thanksgiving day
well, another thanksgiving has passed. and i'm sure many of you, if not all of you, know my own personal feelings for thanksgiving, so i won't reitterate them here. i'm sure you'd rather not read it anyway.
so all i have to say is there's always next year. i'll be off on my own, and, god willing, won't have the money to travel back home for thanksgiving. what a tragedy.
and i think there's something in the air. it's beautiful outside, truly gorgeous. sunny. warm (55 degrees). i went outside to grab something out of my car and i didn't freeze; i was thrilled. i went back inside and announced to my family, "holy crap, it's beautiful outside!" and my mother replied, "then go out there."
apparently turkey does not have a good day-after affect. it's the only conclusion i can draw. other than i will be avoiding my family for the rest of the day if i can help it. i only want to get snapped at once today.
i would love to spend a bunch of time outside, but i'm afraid that i have a crapload of work to do. a ton of work is due on dec 1 for msu. if only i had more time. or motivation. oh well.
happy post-thanksgiving everyone, and as i hope every year, i hope yours was better than mine.
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2006.11.12 23.23
survey and information
( survey )
tuesday is my birthday. crazy. it came quickly, just like it did last year. and it won't be very exciting, also like last year. and the 20 years before that. my family has never been one to go overboard on birthdays.
oh, i do get to sub all day on my birthday. i will have my kids all day for the first time all by myself, so if you don't wish me a happy birthday that day, at least send me good vibes that i won't screw up majorly.
the month of november is going to fly. same with december. and then i'll have my deaf ed placement.
i had conferences last week, and they really didn't go badly at all. maybe i can actually do this. who knew?
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2006.10.29 08.59
hey
and just like that, the weekend is over.
sad. it was a great weekend. i did basically nothing with some people and it was really fantastic.
and now i get to go to school tomorrow morning. again. ugh, so early. luckily, though, halloween is just a day away and that usually breaks up some monotony.
unfortunately, i don't fully feel prepared for school tomorrow. probably because i did everything i could this entire weekend not to think about things. so now i can go back to panicking about my weather/water cycle unit that starts november 6. i planned the whole thing myself, so thats why i'm really scared for the whole thing.
by the way, if you care to know, i have a vox account. www.annesley14.vox.com check it out if you're interested. perhaps i'll post there as much as i post here. but its totally visual, which is great for people like me.
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2006.10.16 21.23
i'm bored and i follow the lead
( i should be doing actual work )
my teacher got engaged at school last week! it was very exciting and i sent her off to tell her family and told our kids to sing "dum dum de-dum" when she walked in. they did, and it was great. her feet were off the ground for the rest of the day. her fiance came to the front office and asked her there. it was really cute, and i'm sorry i missed seeing the whole thing.
i teach math for the second time tomorrow morning. i hope it goes better this time (not that it was terrible last time).
i'm sorry i don't have a whole lot of interesting things to say.
oh- i like northern exposure. fun show. a bit like gilmore girls, but set in alaska and probably has more testosterone.
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thegreatwad's journal
